Who do you let see your true self? Who gets an inside look to the gooey center?
I used to only cry on subway trains. I couldn't be vulnerable to the people in my life because I had to be strong. I used to not have boundaries. I am a classic over-stepper. I love to take charge and get things done with efficiency. I had the mentality that if it wasn't done by me - it wouldn't be done right. It took me a long time to realize that kind of thinking only led me to resentment and anger.
I worked with a spiritual giant last year and she had me do an exercise dealing with the idea of a 'healthy middle'. I had to draw a line on a paper with two stick figures at the end and then I drew a line down the middle. I was allowed to go up to the middle in every relationship but no further.
If someone didn't meet me half way any more, I had to deal with how that felt. I had to assess the relationship. I had to see what it felt like to sit in that discomfort.
How did it feel when people failed to show up? When they weren't who they told me they were?
It felt horrible. I wanted to control the situation with all of my might. I wanted to overstep and love them to death. I wanted to right the wrong. I wanted to complete the puzzle. I wanted to square peg - round hole the situation till my head hurt and my heart fell out of my chest.
I quickly discovered - once you are forced to look at situations differently, you can't unhear the truth.
This meant I had to shed some people. Some long standing relationships. I'm talking relationships that had lasted YEARS. I kept relationships alive long past their expiration dates because I didn't know how to let go. I had to grieve these. I had to clean them out and make room for new people. New people who I got to teach how I wanted to be in a relationship with. If you didn't know - you teach people how to be in relationships with you.
Now I value my space, my time and my love. I try my hardest to go into new relationships with an open heart. I value honesty and loyalty. I fearlessly call in my soul family on the regular. I cry openly in front of these people. They show up when life gets hard. I want to pour love and good feelings into this world so I want the souls in my life to match that.
Who are you calling into your life?
Are you living in harmony?
If not - it's time to start.