“People shouldn’t have to appear always, you know, stable and content, because people aren’t always stable and content. I think that every emotion is appropriate whenever it arises.” - Fiona Apple
My mother taught me from a young age that how you outwardly appeared was of deep importance. I can't recall how many times we were dolled up and sitting at Sunday morning church but at home we didn’t practice a single thing we heard - but boy could we socialize. I was taught to be a caregiver - to give and give until giving hurt. Give until those closest to you are starved.
I turned into the person you call in a moment of crisis. The woman who always shows up. I fancy myself a problem solver but that life is exhausting. I began to neglect my closest friends because I was too busy showing up for others, partners were put to the side so I could listen to any person with a problem - my life quickly became unfulfilling because I wasn't listening to my needs.
I shoved my issues down into my low belly.
Hid them there until I exploded one day.
I hit a wall last summer. My long term relationship was coming to an end, my home began to feel like a prison, my job was making me feel stupid, my voice was caught in my throat and I felt like I was constantly grasping for air. Yet, I couldn't ask for help.
I am the strong one.
I am the one who people expect to be fine.
This has come to bite me on more than one occasion. How can you humble yourself to feel safe enough to ask for help? I found myself reaching out to strong women who have seemingly navigated these perils before. Life naturally kept leading me to them. One invited me to look at my limiting beliefs and how they were holding me back from growing. Another guided me through multitudes of Breathwork which was vital for me. I got to the root of my emotions quickly.
That being said, I don't have all the answers - I'm still learning. I have years of old ideas to evict so I can make room for a softer side of me. A side that doesn't have to be okay all of the time. A side that is able to honour every emotion that comes up.
The first time I did Breathwork I was astonished at the flood of emotions that rolled over me. I had spent years avoiding feeling yet here I was leaning in to every sensation with an eager desire to understand.
I've learned that I am not a simple woman who needs to appear okay at all times. That it is acceptable to let people know that I am struggling. That asking and receiving help is a sign of strength. I've also come to learn that it is equally as important to celebrate feeling strong and independent.
Every emotion deserves to be recognized - some need more attention than others. Breathwork can help decipher the confusion around the murky emotions. It can help process the pain sitting in your body so you can emerge a smidge different.
So are you ready to release some old ideas? Let go of some of the fear thats been holding you back? I have a Virtual Full Moon Eclipse Breathwork Group coming up on Friday, July 27th at 7:30p ET. This full moon is providing you with an opportunity to quiet down - find some solace in yourself. Take a break from the insanity of life and give back to yourself. You deserve it.
If you cannot attend live - a recording will be sent to you after so you can partake in your own home, at your preferred time.