I've spent three months on the open road and I am slowly uncovering lessons as the days go on.
I went to the Invisible Exhibition yesterday in Budapest which is a museum designed to make you feel as if you are blind. As a visual artist, I have always had a fear of losing my sight so this piqued my interest. This simulation turned out to be infinitely more terrifying than I could have ever imagined.
The darkness was deafening. I was nervously laughing while running into things. I was in a small group and we were navigating through seven rooms - together. Being the independent individual that I am, I wanted to explore - alone. Before I knew it, the sound of the other group members became faint and my heart started to race. I was too prideful to say anything and I began to panic.
Travelling alone has caused me to become more independent. I was hopeful I would learn to rely on others more but self sufficiency is what I know best. I've softened slightly but I'm still stubborn to the point where I can be virtually blind in a room and still think I can get my way out of it.
Asking for help is not my forte. I fear being seen as weak. So here I am in a pitch black room, with strangers, in an experience that I paid for - too prideful to ask for help.
Unfortunately, this directly correlates to my real life all too well. The amount of times I've been too afraid to speak up and use my voice because of fear is alarming.
All I want is to feel safe, secure and loved but threaten that and I will become a mute person willing to sit in the darkness alone.
I realized if I were to get out of the exhibition yesterday I was going to have to ask for help from these strangers. Guess what? The second I swallowed my pride and used my voice - a hand appeared in the darkness to guide me to safety. Just like that - I felt better.
Previous experiences have only shown that when I ask for help I am taken care of so I need to stop feeding the lie that asking for help is a sign of weakness.
Almost all of the women I go to for spiritual guidance have quoted this African proverb lately - "If you want to go quickly, go alone. If you want to go far, go together." so it is clearly time to take that to heart.
I am thankful to the individuals who have kept me grounded the past three months and for the personal growth that I've been fortunate enough to experience. I am incredibly privileged to be travelling the world and I am grateful to be here every day.
I've got a lot further to go so I'm looking forward to going the distance with all of you.