Here’s to laughing at myself for taking my sex life so seriously for way too long.
Have you ever been intimate with a partner and suddenly become frozen in fear?
Simply unable to say anything that you desire - crippled by the fear of being judged?
I have a rich history of selling myself short in the bedroom. Maybe you’re like me and you’ve told yourself that you are a giver and you’re okay with providing for your partner. Or perhaps even worse - you’ve told yourself that you simply aren’t worthy of experiencing pure ecstasy.
What if you changed that old narrative and started to believe in yourself?
I know - it feels impossible.
Perhaps even reading this makes your skin tight.
Maybe you don’t want to read anymore out of fear of identifying?
I’m here to tell you there is hope out there. I’ve been in your shoes. I’ve been so uncomfortable that I’ve laid there night after night hoping that something or someone would do the leg work for me. But I’m sorry to say - no one did. I had to do the heavy lifting.
I promise you, my connection to partners has transformed because I stopped waiting for the right person to bring an awakening to me and I did the work myself.
I’ve been in partnerships where we were not aligned sexually and I felt stifled. I felt like my wants and needs were not as important and I let a satisfying sex life pass me by. I moved into full deprivation mode out of fear of speaking my truth. I was so afraid of being rejected or judged based on what I wanted to say that I allowed the fear to run my life.
I’m talking years - I would dishonestly participate in partnerships where I was emotionally unsatisfied because my words would get caught in my throat.
I allowed the impotence of men permeate my brain into thinking that I was the problem. That I was not good enough or attractive enough - no matter how many times I had been assured it had nothing to do with me. I became psychologically damaged.
In the summer of 2017 I had decided that I was tired of living this way and I needed to grow. This was a frightening process.
No one had taught me the language of how to express my desires. I am an outspoken woman who had control in most matters of my life yet I felt ashamed that I couldn’t find control and satisfaction in my sex life.
I didn’t know where to begin to open the lines of communication so I could evolve. All I knew was that I was uncomfortable and I was certain that I was missing out on something that everyone seemingly enjoyed with ease.
So, I started with my girlfriends.
I started sharing experiences where I felt small and unseen. I began to be honest in a new way with my wants and desires in a safe group of women. A shocking revelation happened to me - they related to almost every situation. The conversations began to evolve into deeper connections and we were allowing ourselves to be vulnerable in a new way. It was beautiful.
I quickly saw that this break in communication was what was holding me back from connecting with my partners and even deeper - myself.
I had to work through the discomfort of denial that I wasn’t satisfied so I could heal and grow.
It seems like such a simple solution but I started connecting with women and now I have done that across the world. Deep personal connections have enriched my life in ways I couldn’t have ever imagined and have thus transformed my partnerships.
Since practicing saying things out loud to trusted friends - I have faith that I can go into sexual situations and voice my desires without fear. At the end of the day, we all have our own flavour and if someone is going to judge you - you probably don’t want to be in their bed anyway.
Trust that beautiful voice of yours and find a safe friend to talk to. You’ll be surprised at what you start to uncover.
If you’d like to dive deeper into healing old ideas around sex and intimacy issues - book a session with me. I’d love to share in greater detail about my journey and how you can start having the sex you’ve always fantasized about.
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